Patti, My Spirit Guide

I lose things. Car keys, my purse, shoes, recipes, addresses, my train of thought, my car in parking lots and, more often than not, my way. Anyone who knows me would never ask me to drive and if they ask me to meet them somewhere new, will expect me to be late even though I will have left an hour before anyone else. I've spent roughly as much time circling Disney World looking for my hotel as I have wandering through Disney World looking for my family, yet still, if my husband is not along, someone will hand me the map and say "We're following you", crazy people. My kids now quietly roll their eyes and look the other way when I make the same turn three times. I once made plans to meet a friend in a town half way between her house and mine, at a Cracker barrel. We arrived at different Cracker barrels, two miles apart, and waited there patiently for each other for nearly an hour before one of us thought to call and check on the other. Guess who was at the wrong restaurant? And I map quested that one. Recently, my husband bought me a GPS. I call her Patti because she has a tendency to talk just to hear her own voice, like "turn left on Alvarado Blvd... turn left in 800 yards... turn left in 400 yards... turn left in 200 yards... turn left at next intersection..." I get it, turn left! And my kids personal favorites, Patti chastising me when, despite her best instructing, I still miss that left, "Make immediate U-turn!" or "Recalculating, recalculating, recalculating.." You can almost hear her gritting her teeth and rolling her eyes. Still, I love Patti, and eventually, I get where I'm going.